Listen to your intuition

Life, it can be a bitch sometimes and people can be twat-waffles. I suffer from insomnia anyway but I've been doing pretty good lately. However, I don't think I will be getting much sleep tonight... Each minute/hour that passes and it gets closer to court in the morning. Obviously, this isn't gonna be a happy blog full of rainbows shooting out my arse, but tune back tomorrow!
Anyway, if you're reading this than you more then likely know, or have at least heard about, the guy who stole my Daddy's guitar. May I mention my father passed away November 28, 2009 after his 6th major heart attack. I inherited my father's kick ass 1982 Adamas Ovation Ultra Series, nice ass guitar. I was dating a guy for a couple months back in the Spring. I had gone to school and church with him growing up. I even actually had a crush on him at one point as a teenager (apparently I've ALWAYS had a magnet for douchebags). Things were going great, he helped take care of me after my surgery. He even drove me and picked me up from the airport when I flew to Texas for court over my dads estate. This douche ends up stealing my father's guitar, pawning it, and flying to Georgia saying he was seeking treatment and going to be staying with family because he had prostate cancer. I was pretty much devastated. I was worried about him but he assured me he would keep in touch. He left and I didn't hear from him for a day or two and his mom texts saying "What's going on with your guitar?" I say "What do you mean? ______ said he was getting it fixed for me." Then she said "Well the case is here but there is no guitar." I knew something was wrong then. Seeing as how he didn't have a phone at the time, so he said, I posted a status saying "If anyone knows how to get in contact with him tell him to contact me immediately" and tagged him in it, within 5 minutes he was calling. Damn how FB can work fast like that. He kept me fooled for about another week. I really cared about him and just couldn't believe that someone could do something like this. I wouldn't do it to anyone so I never expected to have it done to me. Well after enough of his bullshit and not being able to find this store he so claimed his friend was working on it, I filed charges. Within an hour the police had his name linked to that guitar at a local pawn shop. I felt so stupid, why did I wait so long? My gut was saying to not trust him. The first time I thought something bad I was on my way to my best friends house because I was having a hard time with it. During that drive Carrie Underwood's "Cowboy Casanova" came on the radio, which was also the first time I had ever heard it. I felt like it was a sign, I should get away from him, I felt it in my gut. However, my heart had different plans and wanted to believe him and see the good in him.

I'm here to tell you folks, not all people have good in them. I still look for it but I've finally gotten to a cut-off point. I had to pay 500 to get the guitar back, he was still on the run, all I could do was wait. Well, he got arrested end of November, they had finally found him. On the advice of some friends I called the District Attorney (is that the same thing as a Prosecuting Attorney?) and told her who I was and how I was linked to his charges. I had expected them to contact me since I filed the charges but they didn't. He has his hearing tomorrow morning over stealing the guitar. He has no idea that I am even aware of this, muchless that I'll be there. I haven't seen him since April, the day he left, and his last words that day were "You act like you're never going to see me again." My gut was telling me he was right but all I could do was look down. I still wanted to believe.

I am scared to face him in the morning and not because I'm scared of him, I'm scared of feelings coming up, emotions, and just thinking about it while writing this is tugging at my heart. I don't want to cry and let him see me weak like that but I can't guarantee I won't. I cried talking to the attorney about it, I'm sure I'll be a hot mess there but I'm going to try to hold it together. Unfortunately, I have no one to go with me. I have to put on my big girl panties and do this by myself. I hope I get some sleep tonight or I'll be even more of a mess. I pray justice is served and this chapter will be done and over with. It was a hard, expensive, lesson learned.

The moral of this story is, you gotta listen to your gut, your intuition. God gave us intuition for a reason, my brain knew that but my heart wouldn't listen. Now, I just hope I can hold it together tomorrow and be strong. I can come home and break down afterwards. Yeah, so, I'll probably be a frazzled hot mess tomorrow lucky to keep my head attached. So keep your fingers crossed, say a prayer (if that's your thing), or just send good vibes/thoughts. I'll keep you posted!

The Fat Kid AKA Twinkies for Brains

Do you remember growing up and having crushes? It was all so innocent and sweet and you would die from embarrassment if your crush ever found out you were crushing? Unless you were one of the cool, popular, good looking kids and then you would be all like "Yeah babe, I got a crush on you... So how bout we meet up at the swings later?" To which if they got rejected it would be like the Cold War. That's not how it was for me. I grew up being the fat kid, the goody-goody, with straight A's band geek. No boys ever had a crush on me and I was always too embarrassed to let anyone know if I had a crush. I was called "twinkies for brains", "Mrs. Chubs" (that was given by my mother), "fatty", and other cruel names kids can come up with. This went on into High School and I was always so envious of the pretty, popular, skinny girls. They had guys begging at their feet, where as I couldn't get a simple second look. They knew they looked good so they treated people like shit and made fun of others, such as me. Let's just say the school years weren't my best years, at least until I blossomed. Once I "blossomed" boys were eating their words. They were asking me out, compliment me, and wanting me. Just like I had always wanted them to but I couldn't forget the years of cruel words and rocks being thrown at me and being made fun of. 

Now, I'm an adult and I can't help but wonder if those cruel words those kids said to me and always making fun of me are the reasons that they once "popular, pretty, skinny" ones are now fat, not so pretty, and not so popular. But being adults people aren't going around calling them "twinkies for brains" or any of that such. Is this karma working? Am I the only one to notice this? It seems all those who were popular growing up and envied so much are now the ones doing the envying of those who weren't so popular growing up. Sometimes though, just because people grow older doesn't mean they grow up. My daughter is following in my footsteps and my heart aches for her. She's taller than I was but she is built just like I was growing up, chubby. Kids have made fun of her but even worse ADULTS have! One female in particular went so far as insulting my daughter when I was getting a divorce. She emailed me to make fun of my failed marriage and ended the email with "BTW how fat is AJ now?". I could kill a bitch!! Who says that about a child? Only cruel mean people. I assure my daughter everyday that she is beautiful but because of kids she's only 7 and is worried about losing weigh, she wants to get skinny. It hurts my heart to know that she is hurting. One day she will blossom, just as her momma did, and all these mean kids will be eating their cruel words. It's funny how life works that way. You can be at the peak of your life as a child or not reach it until an adult. I look back and remember those years but I wouldn't trade it for anything. I was once the Ugly Duckling and as the story goes I transformed into a beautiful Swan. Now I have to watch my daughter go through this and don't know how to help her. One day she too will blossom but society today has brainwashed society into thinking that skinny=pretty. What happened to the days when the sex icons were women like Marilyn Monroe who had curves! Curves are sexy! 

Pay It Forward

You never really know what hand life is going to deal you next. It could be the best hand you've ever had or the worst that needs to go down the crapper. No matter what life throws at you always remember there's a reason and whether you know it or not there are people who have your back. Then there's Karma, Karma is always going to find you whether good or bad. I think my good karma is finally coming through, to a point, maybe the bad and good are even now. My dad died 3 years ago and my step-mother sued me, we finally just got it all resolved after Thanksgiving, I'm finally able to mourn my Dad's death properly and get closure. During this time I also went through a divorce from a man in the military whose first deployment changed everything about him. I tried sticking by his side and getting help as I was raised in the military but he refused to get help. I got what I wanted from the divorce, which wasn't really a lot just 2,000 towards a new car since the hood flew up in my windshield and my ex canceled the insurance so that I couldn't get it fixed. For a little over a year I was driving around with my hood tied down with rope and a bungee cord. Also, during this time, I had to have rotator cuff surgery which was a lot worse than I thought it would be therefore I wasn't able to work for a while so I really couldn't get a new vehicle. This year for Christmas I realized how truly amazing the people in my life are as I was given enough money to get a new, safe, reliable vehicle for my daughter and I. The car shopping experience was a nightmare. I either got treated like I was stupid because I'm a young woman or I was simply ignored and treated rudely since I didn't have a lot of money to spend and I wasn't looking for payments. Persistence and patience pays off though, after almost a month of car shopping I got a mid sized SUV (I wanted a small one but beggars can't be choosers.. Actually, yes they can because I refused anything red, tan, gold, or with tan interior). Anyway, I was afraid I had gotten ripped off on this car (I knew the miles were a bit high but it's what I wanted and SAFE!) because I noticed it flashing in 4wd low. A friend introduced me to his mechanic today and the gentleman checked it out and after talking with me a bit and asking some personal questions (like why wasn't my husband fixing it) decided that he will fix it for me, for NO charge! I could have cried! Yes, I'm an emotional one. Almost everything makes me cry, especially when I'm reminded that there ARE good people out there. This is just a blog to remind you of that, if you ever have doubt, there ARE good people out there with true, sincere hearts. This year, I'm going to pay it forward. I don't know how or who yet but I'll know when the time comes. If you're reading this I ask you too to pay it forward, make 2013 an awesome year and work on your good karma. Speaking of, now off to play some Sims so I can work on their Karma!

Just a small Introduction

So, I'm really not sure how to do this seeing as how this is the first time I've blogged in years (like since myspace and you could have your little blogs on your page, am I the only one that remembers that?). I will start off by telling a bit about myself. Obviously, I'm  a single mom. I'm a few french fries short of a happy meal, but that makes life interesting. I have a 13 y/o cat, 7 y/o daughter, and 2 y/o pitchu. What is a pitchu you may ask, sounds like a character from Pokemon huh? Nope, it's a dog half chihuahua and half pit bull. How does that happen? I found out the hard way when he got ahold of the rotweiler across the street, the big one (usually the female) just lays on her back and takes it. Yes, I technically just said I caught my dog doing it, missionary style at that. Anyway, I live a simple, quiet (usually) life in Arkansas. I am a full time student going to school to be a Kindergarten teacher. I love to write and am a big grammar Nazi, though I know mine needs work at times too. I suppose this is really just an introductory blog as I'm just getting started. Any tips and pointers would be greatly appreciated. I just got the little one awake and got to get her ready for and off to school now!